Sunday, August 7, 2011

It's Sunday afternoon in early August, 2011. I'm not sure of the date, something like the 8th. I'd like to "start training" today. The plan is to bike to the track, walk a mile and bike back. Along with some gentle stretching, perhaps. I think I can break 20 minutes in the mile, but I'm not going to hurt myself. Yesterday was my first day daring to get on the bike in exactly four weeks. That was a hilly 65 miles in about four hours, including a couple short stops with a top speed of 42 mph. Yesterday I rode 3.0 miles with a top speed of 14 mph. I was also on my feet a lot watching the bike races next door throughout the day. I was really feeling it last night. Including all the walking I did on Friday, I've been more active in two days than over the entire previous month, since herniating a lumbar disc a day or two after the aforementioned (comfortably fast) bike ride. The weeks since then have passed in a vague blurrr, a vast sea of fire with the occasional oases of relative relief. Although I did not recognize it at the time, my life was greatly simplified. Within days my singular goal for each day became to stay as comfortable as possible. In other words, to stop the pain, please stop the pain. For a couple weeks my goals every day were: 1) don't pass out when you stand up; and 2) don't fall down.

Aim high. And to think, it was just April when my goals included holding back to eight minute pace for the first half of the Boston marathon. Today I'm hoping to be able to walk a mile. Two weeks ago my attempt to walk to the law school (less than 100 m away) became an Everestian struggle. I even take pride that, despite failing to reach the school, I was able to make it home and inside before collapsing in a quivering mass of agony. I feel weak, and shaky, and tentative. Terrified, even. Is my right knee always going to be numb? Again, it's much improved over two weeks ago, when I'd say my right leg was at about 20% strength. Yesterday it felt like about 40%. On the bike that is. It feels weird, riding with one leg you can't quite feel. Still, it's easier and more comfortable than walking. Running seems more natural, but I am nowhere near that.